ANAK: 'Tay, anong pagkakaiba ng Supper at Dinner?
ITAY: Anak, pagkumain tayo sa labas, Dinner 'yun. Pag dito tayo
kakain ng luto ng Mommy mo, Suffer yon!!
*****************
This is a Filipino making a long distance phone call....
Operator: AT&T, How may I help you?
Pinoy: Heyloow. Ay wud like to long distans da Pilipins, plis.
Operator: Name of the party you're calling?
Pinoy: Aybegurpardon? Can you repit agen plis?
Operator: What is the name of the person you are calling?
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu and sori. Da name of my calling is Elpidio
Abanquel. Sori and tenkyu.
Operator: Please spell out the name of the person you're calling
> phonetically.
Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. What is foneticali?
Operator: Please spell out the letters comprising the name a letter at
a
time and citing a word for each letter.
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Da name of Elpidio Abanquel is Elpidio
Abanquel.
I will spell his name foneticali, Elpidio: E as in Elpidio, L as in
lpidio, p as in pidio, i as in idio, d as in dio, i as in io, and o
as in o.
Operator: Sir, can you please use English words.
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Abanquel: A as in Airport agen, B as in
Because,
A as in airport agen, N as in enemy, Q as in Cuba, U as in Europe,
E
as
in important, and L as in elephant.
*****************
This is a Filipino in an American coffee shop:
Waiter: What kind of coffee would you like, regular or decaf?
Pinoy: No, Big cup!! Big cup!
Waiter: What would you like for your breakfast?
Pinoy: Hameneggs.
Waiter: And how do you like your eggs, sir?
Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. I like dem beri much.
Waiter: No sir, I mean how would you like them cooked?
Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. I wud like dem cooked.
Waiter: (with increasing impatience) Would you like your
eggs...fried? poached? hard boiled or soft boiled?
Pinoy: (with increasing uneasiness) Yes, one fried en one hard boiled
or
sop boiled.
Waiter: And what bread would you like?
Pinoy: Begyurpardon?
Waiter: What kind of bread would you like? white? rye? whole wheat?
toast?
Pinoy: Pan Americano
Waiter: We don't have that.
Pinoy: Okey, gib me taystee.
Waiter: We don't have that either, sir.
Pinoy: Do you heb pan de lemon or bonete?
Waiter: Sir, you are wasting my time. I shall ask for the last
time, what would you like for breakfast?
Pinoy: Donut plis....
*****************
Two married men talking...
1st man: Swerte ko, my wife is an angel.
2nd man: Buti ka pa, ako ang asawa ko buhay pa.
*****************
Wife : Love, mahal mo ba ako?
Husband: Siyempre, asawa kita eh.
Wife : Enjoy ka ba sa akin?
Husband: Siyempre, asawa kita eh.
Wife : Baka naman niloloko mo lang ako?
Husband: Siyempre, asawa kita eh.
*****************
Anak : Tays! Kakains nas tayos!
Tatay : Hoy! Tigilan mo yang kalalagay mo ng 'S' sa mga sinasabi mo
ha!
Ano ba ang ulam ?
Anak : BANGU na may KAMATI, ARDINA na may IBUYA !
*****************
BISAYA 1 : Unsay ibig sabihon ng " cooling place " ? BISAYA 2 :
Pag-naga ring ang fon, sabihin mo " Hilow, hus cooling
place?
*****************
A man wanted to buy a bra for his wife but doesn't know the size.
Salesgirl asks: "Is it as big as a papaya? "
Man replies : " No. "
Salesgirl : "An apple?"
Man: " No. "
Salesgirl : " Ahh..an egg? "
Man : " YES , but fried! "
*****************
Girl 1 : Halata na tiyan mo, bakit di pa kayo magpakasal ng BF mo?
Girl 2 : Ayaw ng pamilya niya eh ! Girl 1 : Sino may ayaw, tatay o
nanay
niya?
Girl 2 : yung misis niya !
*****************
A Filipino, a Black man, and a White guy are in a bar having a
drink. When a gorgeous woman comes up to them and says, "Whoever
can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' in a creative sentence can
have me for tonight." So the White guy says "I love liver and
cheese." She says "That's not good enough" The Black man says "I
hate liver and cheese" She says "That's not creative" Finally, the
Filipino says "Liver alone, cheese mine!"
*****************
PRICELESS WORDS
A husband wakes up at home with a huge hangover.
He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees
is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and
pressed. He looks around the room and sees that
it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table.
"Honey, breakfast is on the table, I left early to go grocery shopping.
Love You!"
Totally shocked with the note , he goes to the kitchen and
sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating. He asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious.
Broke some crockery, puked in the hall, and gave yourself a black eye
when you stumbled into the door". Confused, the man asks,
"So, why is everything in order and so clean, and
breakfast is on the table waiting for me?
I should expect a big quarrel with her!"
His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom,
and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off,
you said,
"LADY LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M MARRIED!"
Moral
Self-induced hangover - $ 400.00
Broken crockery - $ 800.00
Breakfast - $ 10.00
Saying the Right Thing While Drunk – "PRICELESS "
There are truly some things that both money and Mastercard can't buy
